*****Warning! The views in this blog may be anti-religious! Pro-choice! Pro-gay marriage! Leftist! Sexual in nature! Making drug references! Buckets of swear words!*****
- Okay, there isn't very much of that going on today, but I would like to make it perfectly clear that if you are a child, you need to go tell your parents that you are doing something you shouldn't. Go to your room. Read no further. -
Today was a joyous occasion.The sheets were scratchier, the coffee burned a little more, the jeans were tighter, the cycles came quicker, and the inevitable first cold of the season hit my sinuses like a Mack truck. And this was all before 5:30 am. I managed to screw up a quiz about a book I have read four times over the last two weeks. I missed the gym and then canceled the shrink appt. till after payday. I wanted my mommy. There was a lyrical thought dancing through my head how this water bottle, made out of aluminum and plastic, was the symbol of my mother and every time I took a sip from it I was receiving a big hug.I took my water bottle and turned on the computer. I nuzzled up to my social teat,to nurse upon some mental sustenance; I love my virtual cocoon. Then it happened.
Okay. Allow me, if you will have it so, to set the stage for the fertilizer that is this stink cabbage:
A friend of mine had wondered what I had done in the past ten or so years. I must admit she was making me feel like Jesus or something; having a great childhood, only to disappear until I was- umm, near thirty. So I gave her a brief fill in, that went a little something like this,
"went to college for performing arts. Took time off and did some drugs. Took Some time off that to make a baby (though I doubt a comeback tour is in the near future, the drugs I mean).Went back to school for pre-med. I gagged a lot. Went to architecture school. Took time off to move to Alaska and make a mountain man (somewhere in there, I got married). Now I'm an English student. The end.
It was a truthful observation of what my history had been. Now, back to mid-nuzzle.
I received a notice from a family member that they had commented on my status. Elated to be getting some kind of 'huloo' from them, I quickly logged onto FB and read...in... horror...
"Wow....your cousin [omitted] is 13 years old, she is a 'facebook friend' of yours, and she gets to see you write about your drug use. And after having a child that you are totally responsible for, you write that you *doubt* the drug comeback tour is soon??? How about ruling out ever using drugs while you are a parent raising a child?
Rose, I know you are responding to other adults here in Facebook, but you have to know that you have accepted as friends family members who are minors, and it is wrong to put out the message that drug use is OK. My children have a natural propensity to look up to older family members. Please don't disappoint them.
In the future, please keep your drug references to private messages between you and your friends."
This really turned the day around. I have now found bottom. The 13 y.o. is not, in fact a FB friend for that reason. Never has been (at least I don't think).It is disheartening to know that my candid truth about my past can disappoint people, especially those who take my humor and candor out of context.
What hurt even more is the fact that (I hate to say it, I really do) social networking is my only link to friends and family. I am much too far away to have coffee, and most are much too busy to call. That is not to say that I don't have support. My husband calls when he can and comes home from work for weeks to help with the kids and be my rock.
I guess what I'm saying is that my shores have been breached and FB is no longer a sacred place of candor. And by accepting children's request's for friendship online,I should first consult their parent's as to what is appropriate for me to express on my open forum. So goodbye Facebook, you will hear not a guffaw or gigglesnort for quite a while. I lament the loss of it. As Kurt Vonnegut says,"so it goes."
If you want to see what I have been up to, you know where to find me. Just don't be surprised with what you read. Caveat emptor; buyer beware.
Well, they say you can pick your friends, and your enemies, but not your family. However, did you consider limiting your family's access to your page? You can literally go in and select people who are your friends and limit what they see. That way you can stay in touch but they don't have to be subjected to the "disappointment" that is your back story. Did you point out to your family member that the cousin, was not, in fact, your friend? Just cause you're related doesn't mean they're right. Either way, I will continue to read your blog, but don't give up, Rosie!
Thank you Morgan!I decided not to tell my relation anything else, he was trying to prove a point and so I let him. The bummer is, I had just met them for the first time recently. Oh well, I guess you can't fake devout Catholic for long.ReplyDelete
I just did a liberating thing, I let go of a big branch of my family tree on facebook. I'm morally obligated to love them and see them once every death, wedding, decade, which ever comes first but that is all. They don't need to know what I ate for dinner or what kind of dead rock and roll star quiz I took. It might sound mean, but I'm not going to stop telling the truth for the sake of fragile relations with newly formed aquaintences that happen to be blood.